Bear with me here as I re-watch the original Lost in Space series (you’ll hear me talking about it and tweeting about it a lot). After the “last shuttle launch” a few days ago, I deemed it to be an appropriate time to go through Season One, Episode One of the Lost in Space series to see what they thought the future would be like and then how disappointingly different it turned out to be. So, let’s jump right in to it.
Lost in Space blasted off on October 16, 1997. In all actuality, the months before this date President Bill Clinton barred funding on the research on human cloning, Princess Diana died in a car crash and on October 16 itself, the first color photograph appeared on the front of the New York Times. So it’s needless to say that we made real strides to reach the expectations set forth by a generation fascinated in space exploration! I am super excited about all of the advancements in technology I’ve seen over the past 10 years but we seemed to have dropped the ball on some of the big picture, awesome science fiction type stuff. I blame the government. They ruin everything. I should be on a space shuttle traveling the universe right now, or even better, cryogenically frozen and being transported to Alpha Centauri.
What They Thought We Should Have by 1997
Deep Space Exploration Vehicle
What We Had But Got Rid Of
Shitty Space Shuttle that Barely Left Earth
Reality Check: It’s not that shitty. It was a step closer to having the awesomeness displayed above. What are we left with? An awesome color photo that was most likely plastered on the cover of the New York Times.
Other Freaking Awesome Form of Transportation They Expected
Jetpacks.
What We Are Ashamed To Have In Comparison
The smart car. *sigh*
What They Saw As Being A Realistic Enhancement to Household Appliances In 30 Years
A 30 second laundry machine that not only rinse, wash and dries – but also folds and packages your laundry in to neat individual packages.
What We Have
FRONT LOADING WASHERS!
What I Don’t Understand They Used When They Built Intergalactic Flying Machines
A Journal? Come on guys. I know it was only 2001 when you woke from deep sleep and you didn’t have access to the latest Apple products but I think you would have managed to at least come up with the concept of a netbook.
What We Have That Would Blow 1965′s Mind
The iPad. Eat it up.
Reality Check: We still don’t have a space ship. How’s angry birds feel right about now?
What We Both Agreed Would Be One of The Most Important Things to Have In The 21st. Century
ANIMAL CLOTHING!!!!!!!!
What They Got Right (And I Guess We Did Too :/)
An old white man as President. No shocker here though. Blah.
Know what? Those aren’t the only things that were either predicted or seem to have turned out the same. There’s an awesome theme of sexism that you don’t even need to watch for – it jumps out at you. For example, young Will Robinson treats his sister Penny just awful. ”You women are always getting lost.” Now women don’t have the best sense of direction (they’re right about sexism in the 21st century since I’m making a sexist comment right now that I can neither prove or say that I support) but he’s pretty young to start treating women like that. He hasn’t even learned for himself how some can be. My favorite line in the pilot by far is Will yelling to Penny, ”Quit your squakin’, I’m alright.” AFTER he yells “Penny Help!!” and she runs after him (after he falls through a wall) and merely asks if he’s alright. Even in the intro when the narrator is announcing the Robinson family, they all have very a prestigious education and a certain level of experience announced after their name (yes, mom too!) except for Judy and Penny who get almost back-handed micro bios:
Judy is postponing a career in the musical comedy field (wtf?)
-AND-
Penny has a hobby of zoology
Marking the first time in history, anyone but an adult male has passed the international space administrations grueling physical and emotional screening for intergalactic flight.
Ah. So, going back. I still blame the government. I mostly blame George Bush and his wars. I know NASA has issues too but it’s easier to blame a single white man (if only they had gotten that wrong and Sarah Palin would have gotten elected in 2000 – it would have made the sexism jokes a lot more fitting here).
To sum it up: if our society decides to retire the iPad at any point then we progressively AND officially suck. (Officially being determined by the standards set forth by 1960′s America.) Don’t get angry at me for wasting my time away watching countless Science Channel shows and repeats of Lost in Space or Battlestar Galactica until real life can fill the void in my heart left for advancements in science.
